I love how rough this website looks right now. There’s only one other post. No edited pictures. No special content. No one knows about it. I am still very much in the construction phase before I would ever post a link to it anywhere that it would receive attention. But it’s a great place to be.

I love rough drafts. There’s just so much left to be done yet there is so much progress already made, and it just reminds me of the constant state of which we all live our lives. Seeking to get to a perfected final draft where we will be able to wash our hands of a project, paper, presentation, person, home, etc etc. I know that I am a walking rough draft, constantly seeking to improve, but as a Christ-follower I know that I will never actually be perfected until the day I die and get to heaven. A scary thought to some, but for me there’s such a peace in knowing that this life, this world, my current existence is not the end for me. Honestly, it’s a liberating feeling.

For the past year, I have been navigating the wonderful mysteries of parenthood. Trying to keep another human alive, well, and happy is not easy, but I knew that. I knew nothing would ever be the same. Date nights would be far (very far) and few between. The house would be messy (it already kind of was). I wouldn’t get much sleep. We were forever changed, a new version of ourselves, trying to create and merge into a new normal. I experienced a lot of highs and lows. I’m pretty sure I struggled with postpartum depression although it was never diagnosed and I was admittedly too proud to actually get a definitive diagnosis. I felt isolated, lonely. I continue to struggle to “get my body back,” slowly attempting to integrate new routines that will allow me to practice some level of self-care.  It has been a year of learning, stretching, growing, crying and adapting. Some days it has simply been rough.

The most important lesson that I am continuing to learn is the ability to give myself grace. Permission to not be perfect and accepting each day as an opportunity to grow, bless others, love people and be a better version of myself than I was yesterday. It’s often said that we live life forward but understand it backwards. Jesus said, “you don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” (John 13.7). I am challenging myself to hold on to that, embracing the rough draft of life, with all of it’s mishaps, miracles and messiness. While I’m on the journey, editing and attempting to perfect things, I look forward to continuing to record the steps along the path to my final draft.