I’ve been a little quiet through all of this, mostly because there’s been such a roller coaster of emotions being a nurse, mother, friend, daughter and wife. My training as a health care worker says stay home– don’t go anywhere public accept to cover your four walls; keep away from your aging family members; don’t let your kid anywhere near other kids. My emotions say… I miss being around people… Dear Lord do I miss going to church and being around my church family, I don’t want Julian not getting around other kids, that can’t be healthy; I want to just hang out with some people and talk about randomness in a coffee shop or restaurant; look at my nails and eyebrows–I need immediate assistance; oh wow I would love to stroll the mall right now; I know perfect love casts out fear so I don’t need to fear this pandemic; God is in control and I don’t need to feed into the panic.
Honestly, I thought that I had to pick a side:
Fear vs apathy.
Science vs faith.
Panic buying or no?
Obsessive cleaning or chill out?
I’ve ran through all of these things through the course of each day since this all started right after Julian’s 2nd birthday party. And that’s OK and 💯. As we approach the thought of returning back to “normal,” I’m finding there’s some things I don’t want to go back to.
I love all of the extra time with Julian. It’s great to actually be meeting more neighbors, I’m enjoying walking the neighborhood twice a day, we are saving money because I can’t randomly go shopping for stuff we may not need, our marriage is benefiting from having extra time together. I don’t plan on going back to “normal” and neither should any of us! I hope that people have learned something through this, and if nothing else will continue to learn as we all navigate what life is going to be like for the rest of the year and possibly the permanent changes in how we interact with others. I plan on being more intentional with all my relationships, spending more time outside with Julian, and having more gratitude for all of the blessings that I have, while knowing that my best days are still ahead.
My nurse side pleads: everyone please wash your hands, wear a mask, do social distancing correctly, don’t go around anyone if you’re sick, especially those vulnerable people at most risk,and again WASH. YOUR. HANDS. My friend side says hey, where’s the party at? I miss faces, hugs and the simplicity of just sharing a meal or coffee. Let’s just get together anyway.
So… whats the right answer? For me, it’s a little bit of everything. As a nurse, I’m being exposed in some transient manner whether I like it or not, which is an honor that I’ve signed up for and a cross I’m willing to bear, so I have to take some precautions. But above everything I know Who I put my trust in regardless of news reports, CDC projections, and the WIDE range of opinions of everyone that I know. Life can’t be done in isolation forever, nor is panic a good look on anyone. Reckless and irresponsible behavior is even worse. So for now, I’m not changing anything . I’ll go to the grocery store, work and start to evaluate any other outings as they come up. With a mask..
B was able to go to work and be around people last week for the first time in 6 weeks and was almost not able to go but I know he needed it so I swapped a work day. It’s not OK to not have contact with friends and family, in short it has been…. not cool, and in our family we hope to change that–safely. In my opinion, preservation of life and the health of the global community is what is most important right now. Nobody has any actual answers for what is going to happen, and for me, that’s been the best place to be several times in my life: at the end of myself, seeking His face and immersing myself in the Word. I ask God for direction daily, do what I know to do to keep safe and leave the rest up to Him. In our current uncertainty, it’s the best thing I know to do.
I’d like to add that there is a thin line between being informed and immersing yourself to that point that you lose your peace. Even scrolling social media news feeds can get you riled up enough to the point of losing your joy. I’m putting a watch over what I choose to focus on right now, while remaining aware of how this all continues to unfold.
How are you handling all of this? Leave a comment and let us know!
